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#18: The Trolley

The Trolley: (Car)Pool Party!

-All vehicles are designed with complementary colors

-Luxury seating

-Maximum capacity: none

-Jolly Trolley: RIP

-360 degree cabin view

-Poles dispersed throughout: purpose unknown

-Post chapel boarding--more hectic than standing in line for Black Friday with your Mom

-West to East campus includes Annex tour

-Not included in Scraps Initiative

-Always on time?

-Easily forced conversations due to lack of evacuation capabilities

-Radio selection limited to AM 740 "KTRH: More stimulating talk radio." or 94.7 "KTWV: The Wave"

-Babe scoping

-Carry on any nutritious meal to make it "Fast Food"

-Horse power does not apply to the trolley. It's called Cougar Power, baby.

-APU is so private, they don't want you to even walk outside of the campus

-Quick paced walking in the direction of the departing trolley results in on board passenger amusement

-World's first non-rail rail car

-Highly varnished seating leads to SCC's (Sharp Corner Clinching)

-No student has ever been spotted in the "open air seating" on the back left outside of the trolleys

-Now equipped with security cameras, churro machines, Anti-Biola propaganda, and a pizza party

-It's like a giant car with no seat belts. Fun and safe!

#17: Campus Safety

Campus Safety: Bringin' the Heat Since 1899

-To serve and protect a smile

-Rigorous training required to obtain officer status

-Why be a student when you can keep your brethren secure?

-Top priorities of Campus Safety:

--Parking tickets

--All hands on deck for fire alarms

--Lock outs

--Driving the egg car around campus

--Keeping a crisp crease in their uniform

--Staying in top physical condition

-Disclaimer: Undercover officers lurk

-Intimidation is their main weapon

-Former officers include: Indiana Jones, Goliath, Stephen Lambert,

Luke Skywalker, Brice Meyers and Hugh Jackman

-59% of your spent Cougar Bucks fund the force

-"Who needs bullets? I have pepper in spray form."

#16: Being The Fastest Around Campus

Being The Fastest Around Campus: The Need for Speed

-BTFAC

-Asserting one's place on the APU's totem pole via means of campus travel

-Burning calories and speed: two birds with one stone

-Longboarding regardless of weak equilibrium

-Methods may or may not include the following: walking, skateboarding, cycling, sprinting, wheel barrel races, soaps, chariots, moon shoes, razor scooters, rockets, Mario's cape feather, horseback, bed races

-Knowing all secret shortcuts on campus

-Knowing every crack en route to avoid gnar face grind ups.

-Regardless that the fine for J-Walking is $108.00 according to section 21955 of the vehicle code, it's quicker than crosswalks. Worth the risk

-Girls like fast men

-Only stop to chat if it's 911 worthy

-Means of travel lesser known:

-Call in a ride from campus safety

-Drive from East to West (see #6)

-Fake sick so you don't have to walk to class.

-Travel from the MODS to Marshburn utilizing The Skate Line

#15: Frozen Yogurt

Frozen Yogurt: A Very Cold Breakfast Item

-Is it liquid or a solid? Trick question: Neither!

-A "healthy" alternative to ice cream

-Fat Free, but it's totally phat and it's not free

-Invented in Siberia

-Yogurt establishment pride

-5 popularity points to those whose pictures hang in Tutti Frutti

-Used as currency by weight before Cougar Bucks

-Eat froyo and contribute to a charity!

-Supposedly found in the Caf

-21 Choices edible spoons: a dessert for a dessert

-Rumored to be the best excuse not to study

-The hottest way to cool down

-"Chill out, man"-Pizza

"I am, bro." -Froyo

#14: Facial Hair

Facial Hair: Sweaters for Your Face

-Go green and grow

-Climate control for your face

-Instantly cool and cultured

-Winter warmth

-Troy Schemper's attempt annually in the month of March

-Prime real estate for Den burger left overs

-When the beard is gone, so is the magic

-Attractive to the lassies

-Given Biblical nicknames like Jesus or Moses

-Throw in plaid and be a lumberjack

-Conserve morning time

-Searching "mustache" in Google Images for facial goals

-Beard faux pas: the Neard. (The neck + beard)

#13: The Waving Booth

The Waving Booth: APU's First Impression

-Friendliness epicenter

-"High 5!"

-A major cause of traffic congestion due to "visitors"

-THE most wanted job

-Rumored to have full surround sound and a churro machine

-APUs only bomb shelter

-Room Capacity 1 (thousand!)

-Job Requirements: a single upper working appendage, a full set of teeth (preferably freshly whitened), and loads of homework to accomplish

-Bullet proof glass yet to be field tested

-The ultimate self-esteem boost