Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Thursday, March 26, 2009

#18: The Trolley

The Trolley: (Car)Pool Party!
-All vehicles are designed with complementary colors
-Luxury seating
-Maximum capacity: none
-Jolly Trolley: RIP
-360 degree cabin view
-Poles dispersed throughout: purpose unknown
-Post chapel boarding--more hectic than standing in line for Black Friday with your Mom
-West to East campus includes Annex tour
-Not included in Scraps Initiative
-Always on time?
-Easily forced conversations due to lack of evacuation capabilities
-Radio selection limited to AM 740 "KTRH: More stimulating talk radio." or 94.7 "KTWV: The Wave"
-Babe scoping
-Carry on any nutritious meal to make it "Fast Food"
-Horse power does not apply to the trolley. It's called Cougar Power, baby.
-APU is so private, they don't want you to even walk outside of the campus
-Quick paced walking in the direction of the departing trolley results in on board passenger amusement
-World's first non-rail rail car
-Highly varnished seating leads to SCC's (Sharp Corner Clinching)
-No student has ever been spotted in the "open air seating" on the back left outside of the trolleys
-Now equipped with security cameras, churro machines, Anti-Biola propaganda, and a pizza party
-It's like a giant car with no seat belts. Fun and safe!

#17: Campus Safety

Campus Safety: Bringin' the Heat Since 1899

-To serve and protect a smile
-Rigorous training required to obtain officer status
-Why be a student when you can keep your brethren secure?
-Top priorities of Campus Safety:
--Parking tickets
--All hands on deck for fire alarms
--Lock outs
--Driving the egg car around campus
--Keeping a crisp crease in their uniform
--Staying in top physical condition
-Disclaimer: Undercover officers lurk
-Intimidation is their main weapon
-Former officers include: Indiana Jones, Goliath, Stephen Lambert,
Luke Skywalker, Brice Meyers and Hugh Jackman
-59% of your spent Cougar Bucks fund the force
-"Who needs bullets? I have pepper in spray form."

Monday, March 23, 2009

#16: Being The Fastest Around Campus

Being The Fastest Around Campus: The Need for Speed
-Asserting one's place on the APU's totem pole via means of campus travel
-Burning calories and speed: two birds with one stone
-Longboarding regardless of weak equilibrium
-Methods may or may not include the following: walking, skateboarding, cycling, sprinting, wheel barrel races, soaps, chariots, moon shoes, razor scooters, rockets, Mario's cape feather, horseback, bed races
-Knowing all secret shortcuts on campus
-Knowing every crack en route to avoid gnar face grind ups.
-Regardless that the fine for J-Walking is $108.00 according to section 21955 of the vehicle code, it's quicker than crosswalks. Worth the risk
-Girls like fast men
-Only stop to chat if it's 911 worthy
-Means of travel lesser known:
-Call in a ride from campus safety
-Drive from East to West (see #6)
-Fake sick so you don't have to walk to class.
-Travel from the MODS to Marshburn utilizing The Skate Line

Friday, March 20, 2009

#15: Frozen Yogurt

Frozen Yogurt: A Very Cold Breakfast Item

-Is it liquid or a solid? Trick question: Neither!
-A "healthy" alternative to ice cream
-Fat Free, but it's totally phat and it's not free
-Invented in Siberia
-Yogurt establishment pride
-5 popularity points to those whose pictures hang in Tutti Frutti
-Used as currency by weight before Cougar Bucks
-Eat froyo and contribute to a charity!
-Supposedly found in the Caf
-21 Choices edible spoons: a dessert for a dessert
-Rumored to be the best excuse not to study
-The hottest way to cool down
-"Chill out, man"-Pizza
"I am, bro." -Froyo

Thursday, March 12, 2009

#14: Facial Hair

Facial Hair: Sweaters for Your Face

-Go green and grow
-Climate control for your face
-Instantly cool and cultured
-Winter warmth
-Troy Schemper's attempt annually in the month of March
-Prime real estate for Den burger left overs
-When the beard is gone, so is the magic
-Attractive to the lassies
-Given Biblical nicknames like Jesus or Moses
-Throw in plaid and be a lumberjack
-Conserve morning time
-Searching "mustache" in Google Images for facial goals
-Beard faux pas: the Neard. (The neck + beard)

#13: The Waving Booth

The Waving Booth: APU's First Impression

-Friendliness epicenter
-"High 5!"
-A major cause of traffic congestion due to "visitors"
-THE most wanted job
-Rumored to have full surround sound and a churro machine
-APUs only bomb shelter
-Room Capacity 1 (thousand!)
-Job Requirements: a single upper working appendage, a full set of teeth (preferably freshly whitened), and loads of homework to accomplish
-Bullet proof glass yet to be field tested
-The ultimate self-esteem boost

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

#12: Getting a Yellow Slip in the Mailbox

Getting a Yellow Slip in the Mailbox:
Thank you Santa Clause!

-Yet to be antibacterial
-Bigger the better
-Said to be yellow to provoke excitement
-That walk from your box to the window is like descending from a climb on Mt. Everest
-Seems to be a line at all times at the window
-You know the package is worthwhile when the postal men carry the shipment
-Better than eating the faux chocolate milk at the end of a Coco Dino Bites cereal bowl

Monday, March 9, 2009

#11: Kaleo

Kaleo: It's like chapel, but at nighttime

-Must arrive a half hour early for quality seating
-Front row stage right reserved for Kaleo VIP
-Low lighting conditions result in illegible chapel cards
-Business up front, party in the back
-Be sure to have empty hands for the the post-Kaleo flyer bombardment
-Due to last weeks cookie nourishment, attendance is forecasted to be larger
-"Can I borrow a pen?" "I was going to ask you the same thing..."
-Upperclassmen reminisce about the days of 911 chapel
-Dress to impress
-Box seating available behind the stage
-Maximum capacity to be determined.
-Shoes are optional
-Cell phone triangulation needed to find seating party
-If the music was at a notch, it would be at the top

#10: Jon Wallace

Jon Wallace: Superhuman?

-The President of Azusa Pacific University
-He's better than you
-He can hold his breath for 25 minutes straight
-Numerous sightings around the Congo
-Scientists still doubt his existence
-0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds
-Climbing to the A? He'll beat you there
-Room dedicated to him in the caf
-Has yet to lose at an indian leg wrestling match
-He has more friends than you on Facebook
-Professional high fiver
-Out ran a horse
-Some say West campus was chiseled from his brawn

Sunday, March 8, 2009

#9: TOMS

TOMS: Hip, Cool and Comfy

-Shippers: Shoes+slippers
-Kudos to Kirstina Bolton
-Shoes for those in need and trendy? Win/Win
-Am I walking on a cloud? No, just wearing TOMS
-Bought a pair of TOMS? Welcome to the APU family
-Don't even try walking on that cement in front of Heritage when it's wet. No traction baby
-Prime babe magnet
-"But they're cool, Dad!"
-Now shipping with miniature TOMS flags. Score
-Disclaimer: TOMS are not prime footwear for playing a game of skate

#8: The Cougar Walk Café

The Cougar Walk: The Scene to be Seen

-AKA "The Walk"
-Prime babe scopin'
-The best eatery on campus
-Encourages slang like "reans" or "burraco"
-Overwhelming depression comes from unexpected closure
-Donde esta el Tapatio?
-Tall table hierarchy
-What makes it a café?
-Daily shout outs to the tour guides
-Caution: hazardous to skaters
-Red sauce or green sauce?
-You know people based on where they sit on The Walk
-The Walk is like your hot girlfriend--always leaving you yearning for more
-24-hour quesadillas, please
-Wait, they serve hot dogs and salads too? Those aren't Mexican..
-Hot employees
-We reserve the right to refuse any Den dweller
-Weekly J-Dub spottings

Saturday, March 7, 2009

#7: Colorado

Colorado: So Good You Had to Leave

-Your profile picture has the flag in the background
-You've said, "You don't even know what cold is."
-Living in California for four years but still not changing your license plate
-You actually enjoy rain
-You have a Colorado flag hanging in your dorm room or apartment
-You conveniently left all your winter attire back in Colorado
-Every time you pass by the flag hanging up in the Trinity RA office you yell, "GO CO!"
-Whatever California is, Colorado is it but better (except the beaches, weather, girls and economy...)
-Feeling like the cool kids for not being the minority at the out of state mixer

Friday, March 6, 2009

#6: Driving from East to West

Driving from East to West:
"You walked? Gross."

-Why not? Your parents did buy your car and gas
-Using the excuse, "I'll be late to class if I don't." or "I have errands to run after class."
-Not caring that it takes less time to walk than drive
-Using Citrus as a shortcut through the traffic
-Getting stuck behind the trolley is stressful
-Racing the trolley and winning makes your day
-Getting excessively angry at pedestrians
-Laughing at walking students as you drive by
-Because you don't want to be sweaty for class

#5: Facebook

Facebook: A University Pastime

-Jon Wallace is your friend, but he didn't request you
-I still haven't met you, but you're my friend on Facebook
-Stalking. Enough said
-Publicly displayed events makes your life look more interesting than it actually is
-Leaving videos on your friends walls during class
-You reply "maybe" to events to seem like you have something better to do
-A great political advertisement platform
-Making your relationship "Facebook official" is a during point in the relationship
-Having song lyrics in your status
-Letting the world know how excited you are about stuff. example: "Sarah is so excited that it's lunchtime." or "Brett is :)"
-Mutual friends? Add them
-You meet someone and you already know their birthday, phone number, favorite movies, relationship status and hometown
-When you don't use your status correctly. Example: "Carrie SPRING BREAK!" or "Sam is is having a good day"
-Being in a cause makes you feel like you're helping the world
-Because Myspace was SO highschool
-You're friends with your friends parents but not your own
-Someone must love you, you got a free gift
-Someone must REALLY love you, you got a gift that cost 99 cents
-Facebook thinks you're a computer because you've sent so many bumper stickers
-Pirate or ninja? You decide
-You had to change your name is McLovin because 100,000 people joined your group
-Making your hometown the trendy college town you're in
-You were offended that your friend tagged you as "the pimp" or the "good little church girl."
-You have a picture with the title "tag yourself"
-25 things
-Human interaction cop-out
-Having an album dedicated to Photobooth
-Your default is a self portrait taken in the mirror
-Jesus is your friend on Facebook
-You feel more popular
-You feel more insecure
-Having a quote in the quote section that you said
-A way to keep in touch with your highschool friends without actually having to keep in touch
-Knowing who from highschool is pregnant, fat, or drunk
-An excuse to judge people
-Nothing to do? Facebook.
-Something to do? Facebook
-"Social studies"
-Promoting your blog
-Someone chats you you don't want to talk to you, you sign off and blame it on the bad APU internet
-Reading other people's wall-to-wall's
-Hot babes are great advertisements
-Coming home and searching for that girl you saw on the walk
-Using your friends Facebook to look at someone you're not friends with
-Knowing stuff about your siblings you didn't want to know
-You've said, "TAG ME!" after someone took a picture
-Actual interaction is over rated
-Constantly asking yourself, "is this who I am?" via profile page
-You are part of a thread
-Your day got better, you were tagged in a note
-You have your word document strategically placed in class so you can take notes and still see you if you got a new notification
-Displaying personal beliefs through the notes application
-Having an original and unique answer for "religion" and "political views."
-Saying you're born in 1932
-Making your hometown a foreign country. Original.
-You considered giving Facebook up for lent. You then reconsidered
-You have untagged yourself in a picture.
-Using "friends" for freebies
-Poking wars!
-Are you a college freshmen? Facebook videos!
-You have denied that stalker more than once
-You have been denied more than once.
-You have kept your friend in friend request purgatory

-Having stuffAPUlikes.blogspot.com in your status.

#4: Hottie Nicknames

Hottie Nicknames: His Name is Nick, But That's Not the Name You Gave Him...

-Referencing people on the walk as "Beany Boy," "Mysterious Man" or "Plaid Blonde."
-Trying to make out with someone without knowing their real name
-Easy reference
-Able to talk in code
-They are perfect to you because you have no idea who they are
-Supplies conversational content to any Cougar Walk meal
-It's shallow, and it's fun

Thursday, March 5, 2009

#3: Hating the Caf

The Caf: "It was the only thing that was open."

-Your health teacher comparing placenta to last night's meal
-It's never quite that good
-Caf NAZI (enough said)
-They're always out of the milk you want
-The eatery is always wet
-Stealing utensils and fruit to feel like you got your money's worth
-Would you like a side of food with your salt and grease?
-More aesthetically pleasing, but still leaves you empty
-The caf is like your first time--you got what you needed but not what you wanted.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

#2: V-Necks

V-Necks: A Must for Your Bust

-Trinity's signature style
-Now offered in the APU bookstore
-A wardrobe must for any college freshman
-Too scandalous for Biola. Why not?
-How deep is too deep?
-Downside: your Father now doubts your sexuality
-Daily twin run-ins
-What color don't you have?
-Now, you and your girlfriend/boyfriend can share clothes.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

#1: Bryan Clay

Bryan Clay: The Fifth Cornerstone of APU.
-Cougar Pride
-Always pointing out the billboard on the 210. R.I.P.
-BC spotting on the track
-Bragging to your friends that you got to touch his medal at the football game
-Listening to the wise words of Terry Franson when he said, "You can be a Bryan Clay."
-Lusting after his sponsorships
-Adding BC on Twitter
-Putting BC in your hero's section on Facebook
-Collecting Bryan Clay memorabilia

Stuff APU Likes

Here is the official list of stuff APU likes.

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